Category Archives: Intimacy

An Intimacy Tip

I remember when I first fell in love with my husband.   I hung on his every word.  I paid close attention to everything he thought and did.  I wanted to know everything about him.  He offered information about himself and answered my questions.  As we became better acquainted, we learned to trust each other.   As our trust grew,  we revealed more of our inner lives with one another.  In time,  no one knew him, as well as I did.  No one knew me, as well as he did.

Human beings are dynamic creatures.   We are always being shaped and changed by our ongoing circumstances and environment.   It seems to me, that one intimacy tip in marriage is an ongoing commitment to the same kind of focused attention, inquiry, and observation we gave our partners when we were first learning to love them.   I am afraid I have become complacent and lazy in my relationship.   Perhaps I need to ask myself whether I really know who my husband has become, who he is becoming.   How do you keep getting reacquainted with who your spouse is becoming as life passes by?

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What Is Intimacy?

I am right.  I need to change my spouse’s mind.  Once I convince him to see a matter as I see it, then our conflict will be resolved.    He believes he is right.  Neither of us convinces the other to change his or her mind, and an impasse charged with anger and hurt is reached.  We distance ourselves from one another.   How can peace and intimacy be restored?   What is peace, and what is intimacy?  Is intimacy knowing and being known?  Is peace an extension of compassion and mercy?

We are afraid and hide behind the dispute and the impasse, as a way to avoid the work of transparency.   He can’t hurt or disappoint me as deeply, if I don’t reveal my feelings, if I limit the communication to which one of us wins the debate.  When I risk sharing how I am feeling, when he does the same, we once again know the heart of the other.   Compassion and mercy are aroused.  In that atmosphere of peace, workable solutions can be designed.

 

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Married Intimacy

Since I published yesterday’s post, I have been pondering married intimacy.

Is married intimacy the fruit of drawing near to my husband’s heart, of knowing his heart and sharing mine?   I believe that level of drawing near, knowing and sharing must be intentional.   Conversations need to be promoted and facilitated.  When these conversations are serendipitous, they occur in a context in which the pressures and distractions of daily responsibilities are suspended.  Some of our best conversations happen while taking walks together or traveling in the car.  Some happen over a leisurely meal in the ambiance of a fine restaurant.  How are you promoting the intimacy in your marriage?

I want to know my husband’s thoughts, his deepest dreams and longings, his greatest fears.  I want to be known as a woman after my husband’s heart.

Father God, help me intentionally seek to know my husband’s heart.

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Married Intimacy

Each year one of the joys of living in the woods is observing the parade of wildflowers.  Trillium, Wild Geranium, and Swamp Buttercup are currently blooming.  My friend Judy, a gifted wildlife and nature photographer (see woodlandwondersphotography.com) came to visit me last week and took this beautiful picture of a trillium.

When my husband and I were first getting acquainted, we discovered common interests.  We both connected with God through nature and loved spending time in the North Woods of the Midwest.   When we retired, we were unified in our decision to leave the metropolis and move to a little cottage surrounded by the forest, near a beautiful lake.  In the discussion questions at the end of my book, Beginning Again, I encourage couples to discuss the importance of finding and forging common interests to share with one another.   Are common interests a component of  married intimacy ?

 

 

 

 

 

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Married Intimacy

“All the paths of the Lord are mercy and truth, to such as keep His covenant and His testimonies.”                Psalms 25:10 from The New King James Version

Truth and mercy restored our married intimacy and enabled my husband and me to keep our covenant.   Read our story on the book page of this blog.

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Intimacy with God and Married Intimacy

This morning I was challenged by Beth Moore, via her DVD presentation from  Jesus, The One and Only, a Bible Study.  Teaching on the Transfiguration of Christ (from Luke 9), she asked her listeners to rethink their mountain top experiences as those that have revealed who Jesus really is.  According to that definition, some of my mountain top times have been the ones that I used to consider having happened in the valley or the pits.  If  intimacy with God comes from knowing who He really is, then some of those difficult times in my life deepened that intimacy, as He revealed Himself to me in those circumstances.   Had the love between my husband and I never died, I would have never experienced the wonder of knowing my Jesus as the one who makes all things new.   He resurrected the married intimacy between me and my husband and deepened my intimacy with Him.  Read about this resurrection of a marriage by going to the book page of this blog.

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