This blog is dedicated to The One I love. The One who makes all things new. The Author of springtime, new mornings, and new beginnings.
Long ago that Author resurrected my marriage one Easter morning. ( You can read my story on the book page of this website.) Before He could renew my relationship with my husband, a stone needed to be rolled away. It was a large, heavy stone, a boulder really. That massive blockage was resentment, and the force essential to removing it was forgiveness.
I approach this Easter with another relationship that is at risk for death without forgiveness. Although I have apologized and asked to be forgiven, the person I hurt has not extended forgiveness.
Now I struggle with regret which is made worse by my desire to be perfect, my delusion that if I just try hard enough, if I do all the right things, I can be perfect. I can endlessly obsess over what I did. Why did I do that? How could I have been so stupid? If only I hadn’t done that. If only I could live that day over. If only, if only, if only, and the regret strangles my joy.
I have always found it easier to forgive others than to forgive myself. Perhaps the ability to accept God’s forgiveness, to embrace it, and to start over is dependent on my forgiving myself, the way God forgives me.
I think that before I can grieve the loss of this relationship and move forward, I am going to have to forgive myself and get over being imperfect.
Lately, The One who makes all things new, has been reminding me of some great advice from the apostle Paul. “But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining forward toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3: 13 & 14)
Lord Jesus, thank you for forgiving me. Please give me grace to forgive myself, to leave the past with its regrets behind, and to strain forward for what lies ahead. Let me let you love me and let me let you restore me. Amen