It was only a few days before Christmas. I was still waiting for Jesus to tell me what He wanted for His birthday. I decided to meditate on John 1, one of my favorite chapters in the Bible. When I reached verse fourteen, it might as well have been highlighted in bright neon with lights flashing on and off. “We have seen His glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.” It was as if Jesus was standing next to me, pointing to that verse, just like my grandson, Isaac, had pointed to the toy he wanted in the toy catalog. In my heart I heard Jesus say, “That’s what I want, Mary. I want to be your One and Only.” Far too quickly, I glibly replied, “Oh, Jesus, of course you can be my One and Only. You are my One and Only. Well, Lord, I gotta run. You know how much I have to do today.”
It was still dark when I awoke early Christmas morning. I walked to the living room, leaving the room dark, except for the Christmas tree lights. I sat down to enjoy the soft beauty and the gentle quiet. Then the Beloved spoke, “I want to be your One and Only.” I said, “I suppose that means you don’t think you are really my One and Only.” I was answered with silence and no doubt raised eye brows. I snapped back, “Well, a long time ago you were my One and Only and look what it got me.” Had I really just said that to my Lord? It was a moment of truth. “Are you still angry? He asked. “No, Lord, I’m not angry anymore.” “Are you still hurt?” He persisted. “No, Lord, I don’t think that I am hurt anymore.” I searched my heart and mind while He patiently waited. “I’m araid,” I said, “I’m afraid that if I love you with the passion of my youth again it will mean more loss.”
As I pondered my fear of loss, Paul’s words came to mind: “But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ jesus, my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things.” (Philippines 3; 7 &8) In the stilness, my Lord whispered in my heart, “Aren’t I worth it, Mary?” With tears running down my face, I yielded my fear and myself, “Yes, Lord you are worth it. Please once again be my One and Only”
Lord, don’t let my fear of loss keep me from loving you passionately as my One and Only. Overcome my fear and take your rightful place in my heart. You are worth whatever I have to let go of.