A knight in shining armor. I thought I had buried that dream, grieved and got on with life. I told you I had in my book, Beginning Again. Indeed I had repented of expecting my husband to be a knight. I have long been comfortable living with a real flesh and blood man, rather than an illusion, and extending him the same grace I want him to offer me. I had repented of reading secular romances that are sexually explicit, and God had given me victory over that addiction. Instead, I have read Christian romances voraciously.
All was well, or so I thought, until my husband and I sat down together to read another chapter from The Good and Beautiful Life, subtitled, Putting on the Character of Christ. It is a thought provoking book, and I was prepared to once again be inspired. I was not prepared to be convicted of sin. The author, James Bryan Smith, explained that the Greek word epithumia, which is translated lust, did not mean ordinary attraction but meant intentionally objectifying another person for one’s own gratification. He suggested that reading romances can be a form of objectifying a persona. I gasped. Understanding dawned. I did not like what I learned about myself.
I continue to lust over the knight in shining armor. It is why I always need to be reading a Christian romance. Could this good addiction be the cause of a subtle discontent in my life? I don’t expect my husband to be a knight, but I am constantly reading about knights. Does that focus keep me from being truly and fully grateful for the fine man I live with? I am not suggesting that this is sin for other women, but I know this is sin for me. I am fasting from these books. Perhaps it will need to be a permanent fast. I want a pure heart.